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The Lie - Second Prize Winner “One Bite Does It”
Our second prize winner is Sharon Boyle of East Lothian. An original, funny and very clever story, which stood out from the rest because the idea behind the plot was so very different.
Congratulations Sharon!
Sharon managed to wangle a lovely year of writing time after the kids started school in order to put in some serious effort. The year will be up in a couple of months and she has learned from her many mistakes, improved her style and been short listed for five competitions with this story being her first to be placed.
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One Bite Does It
Lying is a nasty business. Whether it’s a corker or a little white thing, you really shouldn’t bother. It’s simply not nice. Some people say, well it was only a little avoidance of the truth, I did it to spare such and such’s feelings. I suppose those kind of lies might be just about forgivable, but you know the worst type? The truly abominable ones, and I’m not talking about the ‘”do you love me?” “yes I do”’ kind of lies which everyone agrees is heinous and yet which everybody has committed at one time or another? The blackest of lies are those when you lie to Him. The Father of all creation. And I should know.
When he asked one morning how we were getting along I was all for brazening it out, breezily saying, “oh, just fine. And you?” But no, Eve gives the game away straight off with a face as red as a rosy red apple and eyes as shifty as a snake’s.
When the Big Man sat down and requested a jug of mead I was frantically bug eyed at her trying to warn her to calm down. We left to fetch the drink which was stored by the river bank and I hissed, “for Christ’s Sake,” (I’m a blasphemer I know, I hold up my hands), “would you just take it easy?”
“But,” countered Eve, “he’s the All Seeing Eye. He’s bound to know we’ve tasted forbidden fruit and you know…” here she does an unladylike pumping fist gesture.
“Look if He does suspect He’d just come out and say. He doesn’t have time to play games what with creating this and that and correcting His many mistakes, I mean, have you seen some of the animals He’s been making recently?”
“Like what?” asked Eve pulling up the jug hidden in the cool mud.
“There’s something called an el-e-fant, you should see the hooter on that thing and the giraffe, unbelievable. It’s like he’s producing a celestial freak show.
“You better be right.” She sighed, “I can’t believe I let you talk me into doing the unmentionable; it wasn’t even that good.”
“Pardon? Not that good? It was great and I’m hoping for more.”
Eve rolled her eyes and slapped the jug against my chest.
“You carry it. I need to think.”
And so we ambled back, not dawdling exactly as the Old Man does not like to be kept waiting. We spied Him feeling the leaves of the tree we like to sit under.
“I was considering,” He said as we neared, “of allowing My trees to bear fruit, say something round and shiny?”
Eve immediately tensed. She could sense the Old Bugger was up to something.
“Oh yeh?” I said boldly, “and what would you call said fruit?”
He mused a bit and then looked directly at us with stern, steely eyes.
“What do you think about ‘app-el’?” He said the word slowly, getting the feel of it round His tongue. By now, I was nervous too, for it was the same name the serpent used when he sidled his skittery little body under our tree, nosing before him a huge rosy orb, claiming it grew on a golden bush not far from here and would we not like to taste it? It looked so plump and ripe and it would have been rude not to accept his offer. Being a gent I let Eve have the first bite. Her eyes dilated with pleasure and she started groaning right there in front of me. I grabbed the thing out of her hand and bit into its crisp flesh, juice running down my chin. Next thing you know Eve was all over me like a disease and we were practically wrestling with passion. Very satisfying, even for Eve I’m sure, despite her end note of ‘is that it?’
“Apple?” repeats Eve. “That’s a wonderful name. Very novel.”
It’s always better to charm the Main Man. He rocks on compliments.
“Yep,” I agree, nodding like mad. “It’s great, original, creative. Never heard of it before. Ever.”
“Really?” His Lordship asks, going all high and sarcastic. “Are you sure?”
This is the moment to come clean. The time to address the lie by admitting it as such. I sensed Eve squirming and said, “Honest. Never heard, never seen, never tasted an apple.”
“And if we did we’d be sure to let you know,” Eve rattled. So she was now an accessory to the lie, although in my opinion the greater culprit as she was the first biter of the apple.
We sat under the tree and sipped from the jug, waiting for Him to continue. And He did after taking a hefty draught and smacking His lips.
“It’s just that I’ve heard a rumour about a sneaky little character, one of my less successful projects, who is running around trying to get living beings to take a bite of his bloody app-el and so cast themselves into a torment of passion and sin. I thought I would beat him at his own game.”
“Sin?” asks Eve, catching at this new word. “What’s that?”
“A sin, dear Eve, is when you commit a crime against Me. For example, if you were to say my name in vain, take a bite from the serpent’s app-el or not tell the truth. Repeatedly.” He gazed very intently at us and asked again if we had done this sinning thing of lying. Well, it would be a bit embarrassing at this point to suddenly make a clean breast of it so we just overreacted innocence and shook our heads.
“What happens to those that sin?” asked Eve, why I don’t know.
God stood up and let His white smock billow in the breeze, His heavenly scent warm and clean. He rubbed His chin and grooved His forehead.
“I haven’t really thought about that. Give me time, something will come up.”
And something did come up. After a couple of weeks Eve started to feel bilious and for three months was so ill she could barely keep anything down while somehow still growing a huge belly.
“This is the punishment for our doing the sinny thing,” she wept. “But why me, why is nothing happening to you?”
I was about to suggest that since I was God’s most eminent project to date and she was only a piece of my rib of which I had many more, perhaps God thought she was expendable, but on seeing her sweaty, pale head lying against a cool boulder I thought better of it.
We grew alarmed when Eve felt tiny flutterings and I beseeched His Lordship for answers. I was on the point of apologising for lying when a piece of snowy white paper fluttered down and landed at our feet. I opened it and read,
“Dear Adam, you must think me a blathering idiot for not recognising the flush of lust and the scent of a lie. Perhaps you are not the Grade A prototype I thought you were. A punishment has been initiated and I think it’s one of my best ideas yet. A boy child is growing inside Eve,” here Eve shrieked and required much pacifying before I could continue, “and her body will know what to do when the time is right. You are to look after this child as I have looked after you, then you’ll see how bloody difficult this job is. You will have more children, another male and two females, which will serve to populate the world as I am a bit tied up with hunting down this serpent to bother with fruitfulness. Bless you both, your Holy Father.”
Both Eve and I were very quiet. This was a thunderbolt of news and would mean a complete change to our lives. We chatted for a long time until it was agreed we had no option but to accept our fate and put a brave face on it. By nightfall we were even discussing names for the creature and Eve had come up with Cain. Yes, I envisaged many happy years with our harmonious quartet; two beautiful, obedient daughters and two strong and protective sons. And if they committed the odd sin here and there Eve and I would understand, we’re all human.
I mean, what could be worse than a lie?
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